Friday, February 22, 2013

I Live In A Squirrel Morgue...Literally

Since moving to our rental house, we have been infested by squirrels. I mean INFESTED. They are in the walls, under the house, and in the attic. My brilliant (?) husband built a Hitler moat of rocks, rat poison, anti-freeze, and pyramid size boulders around the back of the house where he thought they were coming in. As ludicrous as this was, the landlord's almighty pest control guy was a complete joke. He simply didn't care, didn't want to come to our house, and offered NO freaking assistance in eradicating the varmints. He came twice....scratched his ass, mumbled something, and left a few minutes later. Seriously. The landlord probably paid him like $65 to come out and scratch his ass and leave 10 minutes later!

Fast forward to present day and the Hitler moat. The squirrels (no surprise) didn't eat the poison. (fortunately  nothing else did either!). They were trapped, however, in the house because the boulders sealed off their exit.

Yes, you guessed it. We now have dead squirrels in our house....walls, attic, etc.

My husband works at a farm and ranch store as a warehouse hand. He got another brilliant idea to bring home odor remover for corpses (just what in the hell does his store target?! Serial killers??!) So, he brought a skinny coworker home tonight, a bag of corpse odor remover (shown below), and a humongous industrial pest sprayer full of corpse odor remover. One is hung wherever you suspect the odor to be originating (in my house, this could be anywhere....squirrels or not!) and the spray gets into the crevices of the offending area.

Speaking of tight crevices, my husband (who is really short) is a chunky fellow and can't get up in the attic well. He was able to shine the flashlight towards the back of the attic where the squirrels had set up shop. The skinny coworker was able to shimmy down the wall spaces and spray the crap of the crevices there.

In the husband/man world, this now means NO smell exists. This means women/wives have no earthly or possible reason to complain about smell. They couldn't be more wrong. It still smells like a squirrel morgue up in here. However, it's slightly better. I still would rather be in purgatory or something!

Here's some delightful (?) pictures of the guys in the attic. Remember, my husband couldn't fit past the big area that the attic starts off you get some very nice ass shots of him :D At least I enjoyed those shots..... The skinny coworker is buried under beams, carcasses, and insulation. You won't see him in the pictures, but you do see my husband (or at least his butt) shining a light towards him. I have never been in an attic before today. I was surprised I didn't vomit.

The purple arrow is pointing to a "epic fail to get rid of squirrels" aka my husband's
rat poison. The orange arrow is pointing to the skinny coworker climbing into
a squirrel nest.

No comments:

Post a Comment